Discovering Stoicism

Building your character is undoubtedly the most important endeavor you will ever embark on. A proper mindset is more than necessary for succeeding at anything. Ambition, motivation, and mental resilience are generally perceived as advantageous traits, but there is no universal method of acquiring them. For me, gradually adopting stoicism has had enormous positive consequences on my personality and mental well-being, and I hope that sharing the lessons I have learned while doing so will help you on your self-improvement journey.

I have always been an ambitious person. Yet, this ambition has often revealed itself as perfectionism, which resulted in immense dissatisfaction and diminished self-esteem whenever I did not accomplish some goal. This eventually became a self-perpetuating cycle: failure led to melancholy and pessimism, which further hindered my performance. Thankfully, through various life-changing experiences, I have finally learned to break this vicious cycle.

A key step to becoming the person I am today was learning to feel gratitude for and appreciate my life. Like many young people, I took everything I had for granted for most of my childhood and adolescence. I did not comprehend how fortunate I was to be a healthy and talented individual living in a developed country. It was only my recent experience of hospitalization that made me realize that the things I took for granted were something many could only dream of. When entering the hospital, I felt dejected and resented my circumstances. Nonetheless, my attitude shifted abruptly and drastically once I discovered that my injury-related bacterial infection was only a minuscule problem in comparison with the severe illnesses the people to whom I talked were suffering. This experience has taught me an important lesson—under no circumstances should you complain as doing so is simply pointless and selfish. Instead, it is much better to focus on the positive aspects of any given situation.

While this maxim sounds simple in theory, adopting it in practice is no easy feat. Like any meaningful transformation, changing your mindset is a lengthy process—and, if that were not enough, a very challenging one. Hence, it would be dishonest for me to claim that the major shift in my mentality occurred as a consequence of just one event. Conversely, it was a gradual journey of reflection and deliberation. Since it is impossible for me to describe every aspect of it in full detail, I will curtail my attention to only the most significant ones. Irrefutably, studying history—with a strong emphasis on its effect on people—has further reinforced my feeling of appreciation for my circumstances. Analyzing historical conflict from the perspective of individuals—reading memoirs and diaries instead of simply learning statistics—has made me realize the incomprehensible value of peace.

The next step to fully adopting stoicism was unquestionably learning to control my emotions in adverse situations, which is not an easy task by any means. As a former perfectionist, I used to be obsessed with everything happening according to my plan or schedule. As a result, I often found myself angry, or even furious, if something did not go as expected, and fighting this almost habitual response was a paramount challenge. The first breakthrough in this effort came from asking a simple question: “What will I achieve by doing this?”. This question became something I ask myself every time I get agitated, and it helps me tremendously to take control of my emotions before it gets too late. Reminding yourself that anger is hardly conducive to dealing with a difficulty is, in my opinion, the best method of discarding it.

The final development in my mentality was a result of shifting my perception of failure. As I matured, I realized that making a mistake—and, consequently, failing at something—is not a setback, but an important piece of feedback. It is a basic fact about human psychology that people tend to remember failures more strongly than successes. While this mechanism may seem unhelpful at first, it is not difficult to take advantage of it. As reflections made during moments of failure are more likely to become permanent memories, you should use them to contemplate the things a given negative experience taught you instead of falling into a trap of misery and self-doubt. Although this is certainly easier said than done, I would strongly recommend you try doing so the next time you confront failure.

As stated at the beginning of this post, there is no universal approach to becoming the best version of yourself, and, in reality, there does not exist one ideal version of you. Every human’s mindset is an unbelievably complex structure formed by uncountable experiences, so changing it requires time, patience, and determination. Nonetheless, I am convinced everyone is capable of improvement and hope that my short essay will help you to achieve it.